Das Grabrätsel im Dom

"What, on the one hand is a sad chapter in history, on the other is a happy accident for science." Along with the repair of damage to the Kölner Dom (Cologne cathedral) resulting from the Second World War, the opportunity for a significant amount of archaeological research was taken. On the tenth of April, 1959 a worker slipped on a relatively soft, stone slab six meters below floor level (just before the altar), broke through and found himself standing in gold. The Grabrätsel (grave puzzle) had begun.


Turns out there were two graves, that of a woman around 28 years old and that of a six year old boy. Unfortunately there were no inscriptions found in either to provide any hints as to the identities. The newest coins found had been minted sometime between 526 and 534 A.D. Archaeologist Otto Doppelfeld assumed it must be Wisigarde, who married Frankish king Theudebert I in 537, and died suddenly shortly thereafter at the age of about 27...and her son, Theudebald. Modern investigative techniques applied to the contents (i.e., leather gloves or Handschuhe—yes, gloves are called hand+shoes) and the graves themselves have conclusively proved that the culprit was lethal concentrations of lead and molybdenum. Poisoning was so common at the time that they even had special glasses, Sturzbecher, which could not be set down until they were empty (however, that was no guarantee).


DNA analysis later shed serious doubt on the presumption that the boy was the Merovingian noblewoman’s son. The only thing they seem to know for sure is that his furniture was made from turned plum wood, and that the legs had been cut off so it would fit.


Now, if you found that intriguing come on over for a visit...we can sit around the big IKEA dining table and play Welfen und Staufer (a game about the tumultuous world of the 12th century...woohoo). No, I’m just kidding, that game cost € 55 and I’d rather poke my eyes out than read the directions. Having said that, the card game about the revolution of 1848, for ten bucks, does look kind of appealing...interestingly enough, many of the participants seem to have died in the U.S., I guess after a certain point you just gave up hoping for civil rights and moved to Amerika (and now I find myself having traveled in the opposite direction for the very same reason...odd).

Civilization, aside from slavery and all...

This article reminded me of this:

"I say civilization because that is what, in the old days, the South had, despite the Baptist and Methodist barbarism that reigns down there now. More, it was a civilization of manifold excellences--perhaps the best that the Western Hemisphere has ever seen--undoubtedly the best that These States have ever seen. Down to the middle of the last century, and even beyond, the main hatchery of ideas on this side of the water was across the Potomac bridges. The New England shopkeepers and theologians never really developed a civilization; all they ever developed was a government. They were, at their best, tawdry and tacky fellows, oafish in manner and devoid of imagination; one searches the books in vain for mention of a salient Yankee gentleman; as well look for a Welsh gentleman. But in the South there were men of delicate fancy, urbane instinct and aristocratic manner--in brief, superior men--in brief, gentry. To politics, their chief diversion, they brought active and original minds. It was there that nearly all the political theories we still cherish and suffer under came to birth. It was there that the crude dogmatism of New England was refined and humanized. It was there, above all, that some attention was given to the art of living--that life got beyond and above the state of a mere infliction and became an exhilarating experience. A certain noble spaciousness was in the ancient Southern scheme of things. The Ur-Confederate had leisure. He liked to toy with ideas. He was hospitable and tolerant. He had the vague thing that we call culture."

H. L. Mencken, 1920

Walk like an Egyptian (hotel worker)

Die versunkene Stadt

I received a biography of Herder this week (you can also buy books dirt cheap from secondary sellers on Amazon in Germany), which was touchingly wrapped in a beautiful full-page article on Königsberg ("The Lost City") from Die Zeit. It went something like this...

"Königsberg is the capital of the kingdom of Prussia, and one of the biggest, richest, and most beautiful cities in Europe...," so begins an entry in (the) Zedler, the great encyclopedia of the German enlightenment. It is only a lexicon article, but it reads like a declaration of love, an homage to the spirit of a city that disappeared in the years after 1945. One that lives on today, 750 years after its founding, in a new raiment and considered under the name of a Russian revolutionary (and eventual Stalinist functionary): Mikhail Kalinin.

Sometime in the 1920’s the Prussian Minister of Agriculture met two farmers on his first official journey to Königsberg. "I’m in East Prussia for the first time," he admitted, somewhat intimidated, "What do I absolutely have to know?" The answer: "First you have to know the stallion Tempelhüter. Second you have to know the Bulle Anton. Third you must know Kant." Then after a while, "If beyond that you know the stallion Pythagoras, you needn’t bother with Kant at all."


Well, that’s about as far as I got...but I did manage to find out that Tempelhüter (temple guardian) was from the famous Trakehner Stables, which now look like this. The Bulle Anton was more elusive.


Königsberg ("King's Mountain") was an East Prussian port on the Baltic (ice-free year round!). Founded in 1255 by the Teutonic Knights (in the Christianization/conquest known as the Northern crusades), it ended up in the hands of the Hohenzollerns a few hundred years later...and remained so until WWI. After that it was cut off from the rest of Germany by the Polish corridor, but the Nazis took care of that.


South of the city near Rastenburg, in what is now Poland, is the popular tourist attraction Wolfsschanze. It was here, in a complex of bunkers that served as a military headquarters, that Colonel von Stauffenberg’s failed attempt on Hitler’s life took place. The bomb was sufficient enough to lift the six foot thick, reinforced concrete roof, but Hitler lived. Stauffenberg was dead within 24 hours, as were many of his co-conspirators...including one who, oddly enough, has a department store named after him in the main square here in Munich (actually, I believe the name is coincidental...but isn't Ludwig Beck am Rathauseck--lootvik beck ahm raht house eck--catchy?). Just to the north is the town of Nidden, where Thomas Mann built a summer house in the early thirties. The locals used to refer to it as Uncle Tom’s Cabin. It was commandeered and used as a hunting lodge by the Nazis (who took possession of many very valuable first editions in the bargain), and is now a bed and breakfast ("Gästehaus Elchwald"...the Moose Forest Guesthouse).


Kaliningrad now belongs to the Russians, who tore down the castle of Königsberg (above, left) in the late sixties—as it was seen to be a symbol of Prussian militarism and fascism, they obviously preferred their own brand—and replaced it with the "House of the Soviets." Well, they tried to replace it anyway, construction stopped in 1980 due to lack of funds.

Vor dem Gesetz

Before the law stands a doorkeeper.
--Franz Kafka

This just in, you don’t need to commit acts of terror to go to paradise...just become a German citizen. Earlier this week a suspected Al-Qaeda financier was freed from jail here after the country's highest court blocked his extradition to Spain. He was released from custody in Hamburg a few hours later, and climbed into a cab. Spain accuses him of being Herr bin Laden’s "permanent interlocutor and assistant" in Europe and having provided the Al-Qaeda network with logistical and financial support between 1997 and 2002.

"The federal constitutional court ruled that handing over the Syrian-German businessman (excuse me, businessman?) to Spain on a new EU arrest warrant would violate Germany's basic law." The Basic Law is Germany’s 'provisional' constitution, signed by Konrad Adenauer in 1949, and meant to be a transitional antidote to "a weak democracy succumbing almost without resistance to forward-surging tyrants."


Here is a graphic of how the Basic Law works:


Literally translated it means,"Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda."

"The government's anger at the decision reflects tensions between the authorities and the justice system."

Labor Pains

Perhaps you’ve heard about VW’s current woes...“ the car maker's human resources chief, Peter Hartz, offered to resign in order to divert damage to the company.”


Hartz (who did quit), is the man who lent his name to the German government's deeply unpopular labor reforms, the dreaded Hartz IV (pronounced ‘Hartz fear’ auf Deutsch). The news, in view of the upcoming general elections, has far-reaching political implications. Hartz is a close ally of incumbent Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder, former Minister President of the German state of Lower Saxony (which owns 18% of VW).


Hartz had effectively issued a "blank cheque" to VW's works council in order to "buy" labor representatives' approval of tough corporate restructuring measures. A manager was quoted as saying that Hartz had given clear instructions to make cash available for business trips of members of the works council, but required no justification for the expenses. Most troubling is that Volkswagen's management board paid for "pleasure trips" to Brazil and other countries, which included...well, let’s just say another definition of the word ‘company’ for leaders of the works council. Oops.

...der Juden aus Regensburg

On Wednesday a work by Israeli Dani Karavan was revealed on Neupfarrplatz (New Parish Square) in Regensburg, about 100 km north of here. The initiative for this project came from the Regensburg Jewish community in 1997. Karavan was to 'entstehen lassen' (these, being the verbs, come at the end of the sentence [in this instance anyway], and collectively mean to 'let come into existence' a place, on the footprint of the former Gothic synagogue between the fountain and Neupfarrkirche on Neupfarrplatz, to 'Verweilen' (stay or dwell in a relaxed manner) and congregate--in order to chat, sing, recite poetry and meditate (and, I would imagine, occasionally deface public property).


'Es geht hier nicht um'...'It doesn't go about here' (the verb to go being used in the very non-English way to mean something besides to go: as when the eye doctor recently asked me 'Worum geht es?'--'what does it go about?'--which only produced a blank expression in response, when her meaning was in fact, 'What are you here for?'), meaning 'It's not about' loud complaints or striking avowals, but rather about contemplative and 'zurueckhaltende' or low-key (but also lukewarm, noncommittal or reluctant--literally zurueck [back] + halten [to hold or keep] + d [forms a gerund from the infinitive, know what a gerund is? That's why you don't teach English, same here...although many with less knowledge of English than I have would be quick to suggest I get a job teaching English...it really isn't that simple folks, you actually have to have studied English, in order to be able to teach it], 'holding back') reflection.


A few weeks after the death of Holy Roman Emperor Maximilian I, under whose rule the Jews had been protected, Regensburg's 500 year old Jewish quarter was razed in 1519, along with the synagogue. It was eventually replaced with a stone structure which became the town's first Protestant church. Twenty feet below all this one can still see the remains of a Roman fortress founded by Marcus Aurelius in 179 A.D.


The synagogue will now be visible again within the floor plan of the city structure. Karavan does not define the area of the former synagogue as a ‘heiligen Bezirk’ (holy zone) opposed to the rest of Neupfarrplatz, but offers its use as a ‘natural possibility’ for life in the square. In this way the historically religious place will again be integrated into the cityscape, reminding the city of Regensburg of the Jewish community...which was destroyed all over again in the late 1930’s-early 1940’s. School children, housewives, salesmen, lawyers, livestock dealers, book handlers, etc.

How far can YOU get on 20 bucks?*

Germany: 127 miles

United States: 342 miles

Saudi Arabia: 771 miles

Venezuela: 4,624 miles (seriously, look it up)

*Information gathered earlier this year by someone other than myself

Where's Churchill when you need him?

Cousins, Identical Cousins

General consensus is that Kaiser Wilhelm II (“Willy”) did not start the first world war, but no one can bring themselves to find anyone who contributed more to its having come about. Surely his cousin King George V (“Georgie”) was not entirely innocent, nor was Tsar Nicholas II (“Nicky”--who, although not a grandchild of Queen Victoria like the other two, was married to one). As a result of anti-German sentiment in 1917, George V up and decided to change the family name to Windsor after Windsor Castle on the outskirts of London. The name Battenberg was also Anglicized, to Mountbatten. The House of Windsor had been called the House of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha ever since Queen Victoria’s marriage to Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha in 1840.


So where is this Saxe-Coburg-Gotha-Duchy-thingie? As it turns out, it is/was adjacent to Bavaria. The map on the left below shows the states of Bavaria (purple), Thuringia (green) and Saxony (pink). The map on the right shows the configuration of the same areas, Bayern, Thuringen and Sachsen as they call them here, from 1826 to 1918.


Seems simple enough, except you’ll notice that Thuringia was not consolidated yet (this happened in 1920)...and what about Saxe-Coburg-Gotha anyway? Here’s a close-up of the Herzogtum (Duchy...a Herzog is a Duke) Sachsen-Coburg-Gotha. The Duchy of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha was formed in 1826, after Prince Albert’s father, Duke Ernst I of Saxe-Coburg-Saalfeld, took Gotha and changed his title to Duke of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha (although the two duchies remained technically separate).


Coburg is now in Bavaria, and Gotha is now in Thuringia. Descendants of the House of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha ruled all over Europe (as did descendants of a million other tiny, little principalities), notably in Great Britain, Belgium, Portugal and Bulgaria. The current head of the House of Bulgaria is the former King Simeon II, who now goes by the name Simeon Sakskoburggotski. Sakskoburggotski has been Bulgaria's Prime Minister since 2001 (his party’s 20% to the Socialists’ 31% in elections two weeks ago could mean he’s on his way out, but not if they have any dreams about ever becoming an EU member), he is the first monarch in history to get back into power by a democratic election.

"Home of Soviet style supermarkets..."

Put a grungy looking produce section, and a lot more beer, into a Sav-on and you’ve got the makings of a typical German supermarket. Expatica.com reports, “...for anyone who's ever shopped elsewhere, a trip to a German supermarket can be like taking a step into the Dark Ages - cluttered shelves, out-of-date products, sparse staffing, long queues and dated décor.”

International chains don’t step in, as the combination of “Germany's obsession with cheap” (i.e., discount stores) and government controls are just too daunting...even Wal-Mart is flailing. Hard to say where these government controls are getting them though, our supermarket in the center of town always has filthy floors and we’ve given up buying meat there...the rest is okay, but my mother would find the place absolutely appalling. Since it’s half a block away (and underground!), and without a car we can’t just head over to the much nicer supermarket we used to go to on the other side of town, it will have to do. There’s always a world famous outdoor market a couple of blocks in the other direction, and every two feet a department store with upscale groceries in the basement...so it is possible to find what you need.
Take Fourth of July supplies for instance, one of the local chains is having a sale on all of the traditional fixin's today. Hot dogs in a jar, cream of clam chowder soup, barbequed marshmallows, chicken corns...and when's the last time you celebrated Independence Day without a big juicy steak from South America?

Kaffee HAG

Yep, you heard me, this place cracks me up every time I pass it. It’s a Konditorei, cake shop and/or confectioner’s, where you go for your K & K (Kaffee and Kuchen, coffee and cake). Personally, I prefer fun sized Snickers (cheaper, fewer calories, and you can have them in the privacy of your own home)...though we have K each morning naturally, and once in great while, K. Anyway, Kaffee HAG seems a little heavy on the meringue and marzipan stuff—no thanks.


In 1906 Ludwig Roselius, having obtained a patent for a decaffeination process, founded the first company in the world to put decaffeinated coffee on the market...it was called Kaffee HAG, HAG is merely an abbreviation for Handels-Aktien-Gesellschaft (publicly traded company). They also sell regular coffee, in addition to decaffeinated (not to be confused with coffee substitute made from barley malt, or as they quaintly call it here, Muckefuck).


Kaffee HAG is owned by Kraft, as are Milka and Toblerone. In 1903 farmer’s son James Lewis Kraft brought his wagon to Chicago, where he established a mobile cheese trade with 60 bucks. In 1927 Die Kraft Cheese Company was founded in Hamburg, it dealt mainly in imported English cheese.


In 1937 "Velveta" (developed by J. L. Kraft himself) was launched in Germany, and supposedly it quickly became a very popular Schmelzkäse (soft and/or processed cheese). You couldn’t prove it by me though, I haven’t seen any...but then again we haven't been fishing, because that would require 80 hours of instruction to get our hands on a fishing license. What’s the only thing worse than knowing your nice Swiss chocolate is distributed by Kraft?...Finding out that in 1988 Philip Morris bought the whole shebang.